Changes

Be forewarned: This post contains much discussion of clothing, and then some more neutral discussion at the bottom, after the cotton, linen and lace.

My husband and I agreed to go out for a nice dinner in celebration of the end of his assignments, all nicely handed in, and the acquisition, on both our parts, of jobs.  He is working as a research assistant to an Aboriginal Law professor over the summer, turning a 17th century French-Ojibwe dictionary into a searchable database.  I am working (as of Friday) as an admin assistant in a property management firm.  I'll be honest, my job doesn't sound that interesting, but well, not only is it employment, but frankly, I have to agree with my minister, what I need right now is just another job, something I can go to, come home from and forget about, while sorting out everything else.  Hey, I'm now employed!

Anyhow, back to dinner.  We decided to go to Tojo's, the finest sushi restaurant in Vancouver, bar none.  Tojo himself is phenomenal, but it's not something we can generally afford, but this, this was an occasion worthy of Tojo's.  I dressed up in what I thought was a pretty, floral surplice dress with spaghetti straps, did my hair and makeup nicely, and put on a pair of heels.  We met at the restaurant, being between home and the university, and well, the look on his face when he arrived...  He was horrified.  I was promptly informed that I was never allowed to ever wear that dress again, despite the fact I used to get tons of complements in it, and that it looked like a sac. 

I went to the bathroom and checked.

It really did.

I checked the tag.

Large.

It really did used to fit, but somewhere between moving from Edmonton, getting rid of the car in lieu of walking/biking/transit, better access to fresh vegetables and seafood, and good local bakeries within walking distance, and well having been stressed out for part of it, over the course of about 20 months, I went from a size 9 to a size 2/3.  Yes, women-of-the-world, you are now officially allowed to hate me. 

My husband told me to go get a new wardrobe, seriously, he did.  The dress incident was the tipping point for him, and when the stereotypically oblivious man tells you that your clothing doesn't fit, it really doesn't fit. And since I was about to start a new job in an office, with room for promotion and the like, I needed to look good, or at least, better than bag-lady. So, after emptying my wardrobe of all the ill-fitting clothing I had, salvaging what I could (and dropping two full garbage bags of clothing off at the Salvation Army, about 60-70 % of my wardrobe actually), and keeping some of the better garments to take to a tailor, I went out to shop.

Day 1: Dear God, please for the love of kittens and all things cute and/or holy, kill me now. 

My body has changed, has it ever changed.  I've always has tits and an ass, but my waist used to be much bigger giving me a more rectangular look from the front, and well, I generally looked rather top-heavy (Thanks Mom!)  I could wear a lot of the same styles as my mother did, since her body type was similar just bigger, which was always helpful when she took me clothing shopping, and I knew what did and didn't work.  Make sure you buy a large top (at least) to contain the girls.  Avoid things that cinch at the middle or that is close-fitting around the tummy unless it is very structured.  Make sure your pants have plenty of stretch/leeway in the bottom region for that booty.  Cover up!  These are the rules I am used to. 

My old measurements? 38-29-38, bra size 34F, yup, all the weight was in the front and in the trunk.  My new measurements? 34-25.5-35, bra size 32DD.

So trying on all the things I was comfortable with, I was let down.  It was baggy, it made me look bigger than I was, it just didn't have any wow factor.  Over 6 hours later I had a pair of khakis, and 5 tops, some of which my hubby wasn't entirely thrilled with, but still thought were better than the old ones.  The only real highlight of the day was getting the pair of red, kitten heeled Mary Janes that I'd been eying for a few months but couldn't justify 170 bucks on for $35.  They rock.

Day 2: Dear God, thank you kindly for my new body and my outlook on clothes!

I only went out because I knew where I could find a blazer to make more casual-tops office-worthy.  My husband and I disagree on whether or not women can get away with sleeveless in summer in a business-casual environment.  He says absolutely not (even cap-sleeves are questionable).  I say yes, but only if it is modest everywhere else, is in a more formal fit and fabric, and the associated bottoms and accessories are also a bit more formal. 

So I went to a different Gap clothing store, since the one where I got the khakis the day before had black and khaki blazers in all sizes but mine.  I had even tried both downtown locations actually.  So... I went to Oakridge instead, and lo and behold, not only did they have exactly one of each blazer left (both at half price!) but they were both in my size, with the right stance and length for my body.  So I turned around and looked at the rest of the sale rack.  Plain coloured, wide-strapped tank tops for ten bucks a pop?  I live in these things come summer.  So I bought black, olive and bright blue, and would have gotten a white but alas, no smalls.  Then, as I turned, the sales associate was just bringing out a rack of jeans from the back, also nicely discounted.  So in one hour including transit time, I had three tops, two blazers and a pair of jeans that made my ass look just yummy.  My hubby can't stop looking at it actually, and that's never a bad thing for a marriage.

I went home feeling a lot better and did a little online research.  I am a small-medium framed hourglass figure, more specifically an S-shaped hourglass.  I found all kinds of tips and tricks on how to dress myself, and well, how not to dress myself. 

Next stop?  All the way down the B-Line and onto the Skytrain to go to Metrotown and a store that has never failed me in the past - Smart Set.  Seriously, half the time I wonder why I shop elsewhere.  Classic cuts and colours mixed with some trendy items, which is largely the style I like to have.  And it didn't disappoint.  They had plenty of spring and summer weight blouses that were tailored to fit my waist and curves, had enough fabric in the cleavage area to be appropriate and not slutty (made significantly easier by the fact I've dropped two cup sizes so I'm now in the region clothes makers aim for).  I tried on all kinds of styles I'd never have thought to before, even colours I've never had (like coral) and it turns out, in the right clothing, man I look good.

I found pants that fit, finally a plain black belt (which is ahrder to locate than you'd think since everyone apparently makes funky/trendy ones instead), and even a bright red dress that hangs just perfectly and cinches right at the narrowest part of my body, and can be dressed up for work with a blazer, or worn with sandals on it's own in summer.  I grabbed a few cheap pieces of jewelry to tie the looks together, thought about what will go with the scarves and accessories I have at home, and ended up with an actual workable wardrobe. 

And I went home, exhausted, feet aching, but clothed.

So now, here I am.  My old ill-fitting, pilled, worn-out hems, and generally just baggy clothing, gone.  My ill-fitting academic program with no passion or interest really left, also gone.  And finally, my period of unemployment coming to a close.

Instead I have a wardrobe filled with bright colours, black and white, structured clothing that looks sharp.  I am beginning a class at church tomorrow evening, studying Marcus Borg's Jesus, as well as being in the choir and on a committee working to administer a year-long hymn-writing competition that is reflective of the progressive theology of the modern UCC.  I begin working once more on Friday, at what promises to be a rather boring job (at least at first until I get new tasks), but which is a job that can keep me busy during the day and which I do not have to take home afterward, but can instead leave behind so I can concentrate on the things that really matter.

I had a bit of a makeover, but it's turned rather into an entire life-over, or rather seems to have come at what I can only hope is the end of one.  I think I'm done with complete and utter upheaval for a little while, and am ready to start anew.  I know this entire post may seem vain, materialistic even, but the reality for me has been a bit more profound.  Day one, kill me now.  Day two, I can do this, this change is good.   

And in my life with all the ups and downs and the absolutely mindboggling breadth of change that I have experienced in the last 6 months, gone is the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and unsure even where to begin pulling myself out of it.

I can do this.  This change is good.